Rabid Hoses

Read a couple of stories over at Phin's and Acidman's about out of control hoses. No, no, no... it's not what you're thinking. We're talking AIR and WATER hoses. Damn prevs! Reminded me of a couple of incidents that happened where I used to work.

We had a new mechanic come to our floor... a real asshole. We were deburring a bunch of baseplates, and really trying to haul ass... they were supposed to ship first thing in the morning. There were three of us, deburring gott knows how many baseplates. We'd deburr the edges, stamp the part symbol number on, then file it flat. You only needed one air tool. Of course, unless you were the asshole... then you showed off all of the tools you had.

Now the fittings we used on our airlines were not quick disconnect... they looked like these. So to change tools, you either walked over to the wall, and turned the air off, or you kinked the hose. I was in the middle of stamping a plate when I heard an airline let loose and an inhuman scream.

There was the new guy, laying on the floor in the fetal position that Acidman mentioned, holding his nards and trying to protect his face from the evil hose. Much as we didn't want to, we got the air shut off, and went to laugh and point at check on him, and make sure he was okay. He was sobbing.... which just made us cry with him. Okay, our tears were from laughter.

We should have let the hose beat him to death. Turns out, the bright one had kinked the hose to change tools, but when the new tool wouldn't go into the fitting, he let go of the kink to try and use both hands to hook the tool up. Never had a chance. A Darwin award in the making, and we had ruined it.

We had almost stopped laughing until he puked... then it started all over again. Trying to get a little relief, and maybe a bit of sympathy from us, he came back holding a bag of ice over the boys. Heheh... we were crying! One of the funniest things I've ever had the privilege to be around. 'Course, if that were me, it wouldn't have been the least bit funny.

The other incident is nowhere near the first one, but it was pretty good nonetheless.

We used to screw a male fitting into these thick gallon jugs. You duct tape it, connect the air hose to it, and wait for an unsuspecting victim. Once the victim approached the blast area, you turned the air on, and that bottle would make a huge BOOOOM! We called them "bottle bombs," and they would scare the crap out of you even if you knew they were about to go off!

A crew of shippers had come up to our floor and were packing up a very large crate. While they left for break, we made up a bottle bomb, and placed it under the crate. Then we waited for the buzzer, and just cracked the air, allowing the pressure to slowly build.

They got back and started in again while we were all just waiting. The best part was that one of them was straddling the hose. Now before you think that we were trying to hurt someone, I've gotta point out that the end of the hose couldn't come out from under the crate until you used a crane to lift it... we had left just enough room to keep the hose from getting pinched off. Anyway, nothing happened. That bottle had to have been huge... it just wouldn't blow. So one of the guys got impatient, walked over to the valve, and cranked it up.

When that sucker went, it was loud as hell, and the hose was jumping back and forth between that shipper's legs... they started doing a twisted dance. Actually it looked like they were playing hopscotch on a huge grid... jumping side to side, leaping all over the place! I almost felt bad... almost.

Ah.... good times, good times.